Well, life is too short, so love the one you got
Seanny Boy
'Cause you might get runover or you might get shot

mamaemlane:

Someone(me)’s hormones are kicking in because someone(me) is looking up baby pictures. 

Jude and Penny are going to be cute little shits.


♫ Two Princes
by: Spin Doctors played 1167 times
Album: Pocket Full of Kryptonite


So many memories.



I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.



Can we just admire this for a little while? mamaemlane I’ve always been good looking. 



I imagine this to be a hormonal surge. 

E: WHERE THE FUCK’S SEAN?

T: -laughs- What’s wrong with your face? 

E: Who do you want me to kill first, you or Sean?

T: -instant serious face- Sean. He’s right over there.


Hitman needed.

misterlane:

Need a lobster* to kill my younger brother, Asher. Not to be mistaken as his twin, Roman.

He ditched family drinking night, so he kind of has to die and I can’t have the blood of my baby brother on my hands or conscience. So, I’ll pay you like five bucks, an oreo, and Emerson will strip for you.

*Was supposed to be mobster, but couldn’t bring myself to change it.

In exchange for the stripping, Emerson will bake you cookies because she’s pregnant with my twins and MY FUCKING WIFE, so she only strips for me.



DO NOT DISTURB.



Good luck tonight, contacts.



I leave my wife alone for a few hours and the night ends up resembling the inside of a sad strip club. Turn down the Pretty Ricky and the sexual solicitations. I’m here. The party can begin. RESERVED: THE BEDROOM. WHEN: 2 HOURS.


UPDATE: MISSING PERSON

I’M BACK, BITCHES.


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